Number 1 Difference Between Girls and Boys Hockey Players

By far the biggest difference between boys and girls hockey players is confidence.

Boys tend to be over-confident in their abilities.  When a boy goes out and scores a goal, he walks around the next day thinking he is a bit of a “hot-shot”. This isn't a bad thing at all - it's great to have a lot of confidence. On the other hand, girls tend to be very under-confident in their abilities. They tend to downplay their accomplishments.  I know this first-hand because I was guilty of putting myself down throughout my entire high school career and I have worked with hundreds of young players who do the same thing.

Let's look at an example. Last season, there was a young player on my peewee team that scored her first ever goal in a game and actually went on to score a hat-trick.  I was so excited to congratulate her after the game.  But instead of being happy with her performance and proud of her accomplishment, all she could focus on was the one stupid pass she made in the second period that resulted in a breakaway and goal by the  other team.  There she was after scoring her first ever hat-trick and she was focusing on her mistakes instead of her successes.

The sad thing is that I wasn't surprised by her reaction at all.  It is an all-too-common characteristic among young female hockey players.  We don't do it because we are fishing for compliments or don't think we are any good. The truth is that many players downplay their accomplishments because they are scared of being good.  If they push themselves to be the best and aspire to play at the highest level possible, they are scared of how they are going to be judged by their teammates, coaches and friends. 

To give you an idea of how “true” this is, I've spoken to thousands of aspiring players at workshops this past season, and all of them acknowledged that this is something they worry about once they start taking the action necessary to achieve their goals.  Once they start pushing harder in practice, finishing every drill to the end (even when many of their teammates ease up), and doing all the “little” things like stretching after every game and doing extra off-ice training throughout the season, she starts to worry that her teammates might think that she thinks she is better than them because she is trying so hard to be her best.  As strange as it might sound, girls hockey players are sometimes scared of standing out from the crowd.  Girls don't necessarily want to be praised in the front of the team for doing something well because they don't want to people to think that they aren't part of the group. 

The truth is that it takes a tremendous amount of strength to be set apart from the crowd.  It is a challenge to set lofty goals and passionately pursue them every day when the rest of your teammates don't have the same aspirations as you.  It is scary to think that people might judge you as a result of your actions and that you might not reach your ultimate goals.  It takes a tremendous amount of strength and confidence to go after your dreams when there is a chance you won't be completely supported or completely successful. 

Coaches and parents - we must work with our young athletes and help them to build the confidence they need to move closer to their dreams.  Girls - own your accomplishments and realize that even if not everyone else shares your passion, the only person you really need to answer to at the end of the day is yourself.  And if you are proud of what you've accomplished, that's what really counts.  

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